Phineas and Ferbook
by Punzie the Platypus
Summary: (EDITED REPOST.) The Phineas and Ferb characters are on Facebook! Irving is a super-fan and posts albums of Phineas and Ferb, Jenny makes many 11:11 status updates, Candace tries to bust her brothers from behind a screen, Vanessa tries to hide her crush on Ferb, and Doofenshmirtz comments indignantly!


_**Soli Deo gloria**_

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Phineas and Ferb, or Facebook. Come on guys, it was only a matter of time before someone does Phineas and Ferb characters doing Facebook and I decided, "Hey, why don't I do it?" Everyone's about three years older so Phineas and Ferb are like 13 and 14.**

**UPDATE: I'm reformatting this so this story won't get kicked off the site. XD. Someone had gotten it DELETED because it was in chat form. So this is that story with those pieces of dialogue, but in a STORY format. Got it?**

Vanessa was one to mostly stay off Facebook. Facebook was for the normal teenage girls who changed their relationship statuses pretty much every day, shared pics of cute couples, and left vague statuses. She went on sparingly, and only read statuses and new information she thought interesting to herself.

She was at her dad's. Again. He was busy blowing something up with Perry, who she greeted when she came in. She was in her room, a headphone in her ear, her punk music playing in the background as she logged in and perused through the site.

**Phineas Flynn has joined Facebook.**

Phineas Flynn . . . that kid . . . he invented a lot. Oh, yeah, Ferb's brother. She wondered why a kid like him hadn't joined sooner. She shrugged and sent him a friend request.

_Phineas Flynn is friends with Ferb Fletcher, Candace Flynn, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, and two others._

That was fast.

Some little friend of his commented on this delicious piece of news.

**Phineas**, add me as your friend!—It was written by **Isabella** **Garcia-Shapiro**. Vanessa thought she had her on her friend list somewhere.

You mean BOYFRIEND! :)—**Adyson Sweetwater** said this. Vanessa didn't remember her. Maybe she had her on her list too . . . She slumped in her seat. She didn't know. But Ferb Fletcher liked her status, making his brother say—Huh?

Vanessa smirked to herself, and even evilly laughed as **Isabella Garcia-Shapiro **answered with—Oy . . .

* * *

_Phineas Flynn is friends with Baljeet Tjinder, Buford van Stomm and 189 others._

Vanessa raised her eyebrows at this. That boy was fast. It had barely been fifteen minutes. And there was **Candace Flynn** saying—**PHINEAS**, WHY DO YOU HAVE MORE FRIENDS THAN ME! YOU ARE SO BUSTED!

She had tagged him. He'd get a notification. Vanessa knew that was inevitable. There was a quick reply within a few seconds from a **Stacy Hirano**—Are you seriously trying to bust **Phineas** because he has more friends than you?

Vanessa stifled a laugh, and did so, straightening with a frown. She didn't think that two teenage girls having a conversation on Facebook was funny.

**Wendy 'I'm Going To Beat Candace Flynn In Getting That Mr. Slushy Dawg Job' Li **said—Your sooooo weird!

Well, now, three girls having a conversation on Facebook was funny.

**Candace Flynn** said—Hey, at least I can spell, and how did I become friends with you!

Vanessa leaned back in her chair. She was rooting for Candace in all this.

* * *

**Jeremy Johnson** _is in a relationship with_ **Candace Flynn.**

Whoop-tip-tap-dancing-do for him. Vanessa hardly cared for relationship statuses. They reminded her all too well of her own.

**Candace** **Flynn** replied with—*Ten billion hearts*

Gag. Vanessa stuffed her other earbud into her ear. It'd help drown out the words before she decided to go vomit.

IT'S OFFICIAL!—**Stacy** **Hirano** said that. Yes. Because it's on Facebook, it's official.

This means war!—**Suzy** **Johnson**, her profile picture an adorable little blonde girl, said. Vanessa straightened. Things just got interesting.

**Suzy**?—This was replied by **Jeremy** **Johnson**, the man in this relationship. He had the same last name. A relative.

"Ohhhh," Vanessa said.

**Suzy** **Johnson** said—Bubbles!

Vanessa looked confused. What did that mean?

* * *

**Candace** **Flynn** said—**Jeremy** **Johnson** is home for the summer! YAY!

And where had he been, Vanessa couldn't help wondering. College, maybe.

_Jeremy Johnson, Joe Johnson and 5 others like this._

Applause for the happy couple.

* * *

**Phineas** **Flynn** said—**Ferb** **Fletcher** and **Isabella** **Garcia-Shapiro** and I are making the world's biggest snow globe today!

Well, the kid was up to something today. Vanessa ate a chip and wished she got out more. He was at least doing something, with Ferb, too.

_Isabella Garcia-Shapiro likes this._ Phineas's not-girlfriend. Vanessa wondered how she remembered that and how she had gotten a front row seat to this soap opera.

**Linda Flynn-Fletcher** said—What active imaginations!

Vanessa assumed that was their mother. She probably had her on her friend list as well. She remembered going to her house with her dad and mom, who was cooking school buddies with her.

**Candace** **Flynn** said immediately, within a few seconds—Mom, they posted it ON FACEBOOK!

Ah. The girl was relentlessly trying to bust her brothers. Vanessa knew the feeling of trying to bust someone . . .

And Candace's mother replied: **Linda** **Flynn-Fletcher**—**Candace**...

* * *

_Baljeet Tjinder likes Math, Calculators and 31 other pages._

"Who the heck is Baljeet Tjinder? And who names their kid Baljeet Tjinder?" Vanessa wondered to herself, slightly weirded out. The kid was a definite nerd. That much was obvious.

**Buford van Stomm**, some kid with a skull for a profile picture, said—Betcha their all math related.

Vanessa looked through the list. "Indeed," she muttered to herself.

**Baljeet** **Tjinder** said—**Buford**, that was the incorrect use of their! You were supposed to do 'they're'!

Oh _my_ gosh, a grammar Nazi.

**Buford** **van** **Stomm**—PHhht...like I care.

Vanessa vibrated her lips and fell back in her chair, feeling the same way.

* * *

_Isabella Garcia-Shapiro has created the group Fireside Girls Troop 46231._

Vanessa discovered that Isabella was indeed her friend. She read that _Isabella Garcia-Shapiro has added Adyson Sweetwater and five others to this group_—and that—_Adyson Sweetwater likes this_, while Perry and her dad came running into her room to fight. She could barely hear them: she was also chewing gum now.

* * *

It was now late at night. Around eleven. Vanessa didn't know. She was wearing a black tank and short shorts and decided to check Facebook before she went to bed. She could hear her dad arguing with Norm over spilling tea as she leaned over her laptop, reading: **Jenny Brown—**11:11, make a wish. I wish for the all doves to be freed.

"A hippie, huh?" Vanessa said. Oi. At least now she knew the time.

**Candace** **Flynn** said—...

Vanessa could not agree more. Then some kid named **Django Brown** said—**Jenny**, that's ALL you wish for!

Probably; and then **Jenny** **Brown **replied—Not always. Last week I wished that all the dolphins won't die from trash people throw into the ocean.

* * *

_Charlene Doofenshmirtz has listed Vanessa Doofenshmirtz as her daughter, Roger Doofenshmirtz as her brother-in-law, and Heinz Doofenshmirtz as her ex-husband._

Vanessa groaned. "Mom," she moaned.

"Oh, what she do now?" Her dad said, peeking his head in as **Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz** said—You can actually list Dad as your ex-husband? Weird. . .

"Check Facebook," Vanessa said to answer him.

There was a loud gasp from her doorway, and then a new comment appeared on the news: **Heinz** **Doofenshmirtz** said—GREAT, **Charlene**, now the whole world knows!

"Just goes and advertises it, really," Dad said, muttering as he came in Vanessa's room.

**Charlene** **Doofenshmirtz** said—**Heinz**, everybody already knew.

"She has a point, Dad," Vanessa said, but her dad was too busy replying—Then why are you putting me down as your ex-husband?

Mom said—Is there a law that says I can't?

"Ohhhh, Dad. Stop now," Vanessa warned him quickly. Her dad grumbled under his breath but replied—No . . . O.o—and then went to scold Norm more.

* * *

**Ferb** **Fletcher** said—Off to the mall to get new summer shirts.

It was morning now, around eleven, and Vanessa was lying across her black bed, which had skulls at the posts, and looked through her phone. She was interested upon seeing Ferb's status and wondered if she should go to the mall today.

**Tiana** **Webber** liked his status and asked—What kind of shirts are you thinking of getting?

**Ferb** **Fletcher **replied after a few seconds—I got two purple and one with an Union Jack on it. Have you been to Britain in your travels, Aunt T?

Vanessa was supposing that was his aunt, and she was grateful to her for making the question known to him instead of herself doing so.

Aunt **Tiana** **Webber** replied with—Yes, yes I have. :)

* * *

Vanessa was chomping on a breakfast pastry her dad was complaining about as he sat on the side of her bed, and saw that **Ferb** **Fletcher** said—I have to say, the new Union Jack shirt I've gotten has been quite a hit. Evidence showed that _Winifred Fletcher, Reginald Fletcher and 5 others like this_. The **Winifred** **Fletcher** said—And how do you know all this, then?

Vanessa quickly checked out this Winifred Fletcher—specifically because her profile pic was an Union Jack. According to her information, she was very British and Ferb's grandmother.

**Ferb** **Fletcher** replied with—All the Fireside Girls were talking and giggling. He he he.

Vanessa scoffed. "A bunch of kiddies, with Ferb? Good grief."

It gave her annoyance she didn't want.

**Isabella Garcia-Shapiro**, a Fireside Girl, she knew, said—We were not!

**Candace** **Flynn** replied—PHHT! You sure were!

Vanessa felt like Candace was a bit like her in a lot of ways.

_Phineas Flynn likes this._

Vanessa sighed. "Of course that kid does."

* * *

Vanessa had nothing better to do that day, so she continued going through her newsfeed absentmindedly, like a zombie. She saw a **Jeremy** **Johnson**—that boyfriend—had posted on **Candace** **Flynn**'s wall—For our date tonight, how about my Uncle Joe's Subs?

Vanessa wished she went on more dates. She wished even more when **Candace Flynn** replied with—Oh, **Jeremy**, that sounds wonderful! I can hardly wait!

**Linda** **Flynn-Fletcher** said—Just make sure that you get home by eleven.

Vanessa was glad that her mom didn't warn her like that. Candace seemed to think the same thing, saying—Mom! I'm eighteen!

Not yet you're not—**Linda Flynn-Fletcher** said.

**Candace Flynn** said defensively—My birthday's in three days!

**Linda Flynn-Fletcher **said—I know. :)

Vanessa felt secondhand embarrassment. Facebook mothers.

* * *

_Linda Flynn-Fletcher has created the event Candace's 18th Birthday Party._

Vanessa received an invitation.

**Candace** **Flynn** said excitedly—YEEP! My birthday!

Vanessa read the message, which described Candace, the address and time and place. "At least there'll be cake," Vanessa said.

**Phineas** **Flynn** said—Say, **Candace**, what do you want for your birthday?

Vanessa had forgotten about getting her a present. Dang it. She'd have to go shopping.

**Candace** **Flynn** said (very quickly)—A new car, a new computer, iMusic gift cards, and yeah...pretty much that. :P

**Linda** **Flynn-Fletcher**—**Candace**, you honestly don't think **Phineas** is going to get you a new car, right?

Well, Vanessa had seen what the kid could do. She wouldn't be surprised if he somehow made his older sister one . . .

**Phineas** **Flynn **said**—**I might be able to figure something out...

She assumed correctly.

_Ferb Fletcher likes this._

And now she had Ferb's word on this.

* * *

Vanessa was actually pressing her nose very hard against her laptop. She raised an eyebrow.

_Irving Grindbore has added 18 pictures to the album Phineas and Ferb!_

_Irving Grindbore likes this._

"Okay, it's not like that's totally weird or anything," Vanessa said. This kid, while she knew not of his existence except for his infinite love for Phineas and Ferb, she decided, was as crazy as her dad. At least, though, her dad wasn't some stalker.

**Candace Flynn** posted a comment, but nothing about calling out Irving for being extremely stalkerish, but—How come there's none of **Phineas** and **Ferb**'s inventions? What kind of a fan boy are you?—she was criticizing how some of his pictures weren't of her brothers inventions.

"SOMEONE has no social life," Vanessa said, sighing. She was wearing pajamas; it had been a long day. And now she had the weekend at her dad's. Whoo hoo.

**Albert** **Grindbore** quickly commented on his brother's album—I think he is far most obsessed with your brothers than their inventions.

Quickly **Irving** **Grindbore** replied—EXACTLY!

**Candace Flynn** commented—...

Vanessa liked her comment.

* * *

Because her mother was friends with Ferb's mother, Vanessa (logically) was friends with Ferb's father. She saw him post as she sat in the dark listening to deep, dark music and eating a bowl of candy bar ice cream: **Lawrence** **Fletcher**—**Candace**, we have all your presents wrapped, you can come upstairs now.

**Candace** **Flynn** answered—YEEP!

_Linda Flynn-Fletcher likes this._

* * *

At around eleven o'clock, **Candace** **Flynn** posted—When is Facebook going to add a dislike button?

_Ferb Fletcher, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz and 14 others like this. _Obviously. Vanessa, for once, agreed with Candace's Facebook wisdom.

**Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz** typed—Yeah, I mean, I think I dislike a lot more stuff on here than like.

Then quickly after her came **Buford van** **Stomm**—So do i.

Less than ten seconds later: **Baljeet Tjinder**—A dislike button would make things less complicated.

Oh, these kids were getting fast. Vanessa took a bite of her melted ice cream and wondered how late these children stayed up into the dark night: **Isabella** **Garcia-Shapiro** said—Wait, did **Baljeet** just want something to be less complicated? Weird...

Oh, Baljeet Tjinder, the little nerd: Vanessa remembers him. He replied—That was a weak attempt at making a joke, **Isabella**.

**Isabella** **Garcia-Shapiro **responded quickly—I wasn't making a joke; I was stating a fact.

_Phineas Flynn, Mishti Patel and two others like this._

**Baljeet** **Tjinder** said—**Mishti**, really?

Vanessa could practically feel the sarcasm. She was well-versed in that language.

**Mishti** **Patel** replied with a meek—XD

Then everyone on Facebook went to bed because they realized that spending their late hours on a social media site really wasn't the best way to damage their eye sight.

* * *

But, at exactly midnight, because he was so quick and fast, **Phineas** **Flynn** posted on **Candace** **Flynn**'s wall: Happy Birthday, the best sis in the entire world!

_Candace Flynn likes this._

THEN Vanessa put down her laptop. And her phone. And her MP3 player. And hoped that her father would soon realize that getting her devices was not going to win her affectation. Just sayin'.

* * *

Vanessa could have timed it, if she wanted to. She woke up at seven that Saturday, sat up in bed and firstly addressed Facebook (a priority. A lot could have changed in the past few hours). First thing she saw was **Candace** **Flynn**—Wow, 51 notifications! *Checks notifications* They all say Happy Birthday.

**Ferb** **Fletcher** replied with wisdom—Well, **Candace**, it IS your birthday. Pancakes are ready and we're not going to Mt. Rushmore this year. :3

_Candace Flynn likes this. _Good. Vanessa smiled at Ferb's comment.

* * *

Later that afternoon, while Vanessa was applying dark lipstick and tugging on her leather jacket, she checked her phone and saw a post: **Stacy** **Hirano** said—Me and **Dr. Elizabeth Hirano** are heading to **Candace Flynn**'s birthday party!

**Candace** **Flynn** replied quickly—Can't wait!

Then Vanessa heard her father's nasally voice and him shaking his ring of keys. "Come on, Vanessa! But wait, I've got to put more air in my scooter's tires. Perry the Platypus bit them on his way out yesterday; how rude!"

Vanessa sighed and tapped her foot again the carpet. Hopefully they wouldn't be too late.

* * *

Well, it was after a very successful party when Vanessa returned back to her father's evil lair. She saw an update that made her laugh: **Ferb** **Fletcher**—**Phineas**, remind me never to let Perry have birthday cake. Cleaning up his platypus vomit was not exactly what I had in mind of 'cleaning up after the party.'

That had definitely been disgusting. Candace kept shrieking, standing on top of the table, and the smell had been horrible. So it had also been hilarious.

**Phineas Flynn** replied amiably—I'll make a note of that, bro!

Vanessa took off her makeup and said good night to her dad before returning to the conversation to see **Buford** **van** **Stomm** say—It was good cake though.

**Baljeet** **Tjinder** commented—You mean the piece of cake that fell on the floor that you ate?

**Buford** **van** **Stomm** responded with terrible grammar errors that were painful to read—U can't let gud cake go to waist!

Vanessa couldn't care less about reprimanding Buford van Stomm about his bad behaviors, but **Baljeet** **Tjinder** was quick to say—I am slapping myself from all your spelling errors.

* * *

Just before midnight, **Candace** **Flynn** posted—Thanks for all the birthday wishes! The party was a blast! Thanks for making it special!

_Linda Flynn-Fletcher, Betty Jo Flynn and 4 others like this._

Vanessa was glad she didn't say things like that. She viewed such things as, while sweet, sort of cheesy. She groaned as she laid in bed and texted Lacey for a good hour, ignoring Facebook the best she could.

* * *

**Candace** **Flynn** posted at past ten in the morning—I am officially an adult. :)

Well, yeah. Thank goodness she finally noticed it. That could have been a HUGE problem. Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Duh."

_Jeremy Johnson and Stacy Hirano like this._

**Stacy Hirano** said—Do you think the Mysterious Force will recognize you as one? He he he he.

Oh, Vanessa had heard many theories about the 'Mysterious Force' that Candace decided to blame for Phineas and Ferb's always-disappearing inventions. Personally, Vanessa doubted the legitimacy of it.

**Candace** **Flynn **replied with—(-_-)

* * *

**Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz**, fetching her purse, posted this before she left—Today Dad and I are actually going car shopping for my first car, at the age of nineteen! Is this it? Is this the day I actually get my own car?

Oh, it was really too good to be true!

**Johnny** **Black**, her . . . boyfriend, replied—Coolio! Gettin' a sweet ride, aye baby?

**Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz **felt terribly sarcastic—*Black hearts*

Then she stifled a smile behind her hand when she saw **Ferb Fletcher**—*Dislike*

Her dad came in her bedroom, ready to go shopping, but he wasn't saying anything. No. The two Doofenshmirtzs were standing two feet from each other bent over their phones: Vanessa saw **Heinz** **Doofenshmirtz**—USED car shopping. BIG difference. And what's with your boyfriend and the little green haired kid?

His daughter was quick: **Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz**:—They're COMMENTING, Dad.

So was **Ferb** **Fletcher**—Technically, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm fourteen.

Her father was angry: **Heinz** **Doofenshmirtz**—Maybe I should give you a little talking to for your comeuppance.

His fingers thumped against the little keyboard and he groaned. "This keyboard is so small!"

He saw next **Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz**—THIS is why I hide my posts from you, Dad. You scare people. How did you even see this post?

To her annoyance, he held up a small gun for her examination. **Heinz** **Doofenshmirtz**—With my new Find-Vanessa's-Facebook-Posts-Inator!

But then, to make Vanessa groan loudly, her MOM dropped in. **Charlene** **Doofenshmirtz**—SOMEONE has a little too much time on their hands. Good luck car shopping with your father, sweetie.

Vanessa was too busy burning with a dark blush of embarrassment to reply with a sweet comment, so—_Vanessa Doofenshmirtz likes this._

Then she added before shortly pocketing her phone and passing her father without a word—**Vanessa** **Doofenshmirtz**: Thanks Mom.

* * *

That afternoon, it became apparent to all that someone had a game addiction when **Buford** **van** **Stomm** said—Can some1 send me a cow on Farmville? i need to complete a mission.

**Baljeet Tjinder**, as per usual, was quick to reply—Farmville? Really, **Buford**?

**Buford** **van** **Stomm** replied—Don;t diss Farmville nerd.

Vanessa sighed for humanity.

Then: **Stacy** **Hirano**—Here, **Buford**.

Well, at least someone had mercy on him.

**Candace** **Flynn** was quick to catch on—**STACY**! Have you been brainwashed? FARMVILLE?

Vanessa smirked. At least now Stacy knew she had a problem. The first step to recovery . . . **Stacy** **Hirano **replied—Care to be my Farmville neighbor, **Candace**?

**Jeremy** **Johnson** said, after a few seconds—I just got to level nine!

Less than an hour later, Vanessa saw this—_Candace Flynn is playing Farmville._

_Stacy Hirano likes this._

Once again, Vanessa sighed for humanity.

* * *

Later that evening, Vanessa, exhausted from a long afternoon of caressing cars and getting none, saw that _Linda Flynn-Fletcher has added 38 pictures to the album Candace's 18th birthday!_ and that _Tiana Webber, Winifred Fletcher and 18 others like this._

**Tiana** **Webber** said—She's all grown up!

Obviously this aunt Tiana (Ferb had mentioned her in passing to Vanessa) had had time to look through the pictures. Vanessa decided to do the same—when she wasn't tired, achy, and not ready to see unattractive pictures of herself that she'd have to untag herself in.

**Candace Flynn** replied wittily—Well, I can't grow down!

Oh, the pun-ness. Vanessa groaned.

Her mother, though, commented: **Charlene** **Doofenshmirtz**—You look lovely, **Candace**.

Then there was a **Vivian** **Garcia-Shapiro** saying surprisingly—I agree, but **Candace**, you look much too skinny! What are you doing, starving yourself?

And Vanessa saw the only person whose opinion on Facebook actually interested her post a comment: **Ferb** **Fletcher**—I don't think eating a stack of waffles four waffles high this morning counts as starving, Mrs. **Vivian** **Garcia-Shapiro**.

Vanessa actually smiled.

* * *

She laughed when she read **Ferb** **Fletcher**'s latest post—I don't think I should be surprised to find maple syrup in my slippers this morning and **Candace** **Flynn**'s comment—Just a little revenge, little bro. :)

* * *

**MUCH EDITING IS TIRING. But please review, if you feel so inclined! Thanks for reading! God bless!**


End file.
